While in the shower this afternoon, I had a profound thought.
Should I convert to Islam?
Am I happy with my current belief? Should I change everything about my life? Or betray my fellow Americans for a greater purpose? I might be a bit conflicted on this one. This will take some pro/con comparisons
Let’s review some of the criteria. . .
Do I believe in God? A little, yes. Just because I have read the Bible doesn’t necessarily mean that I feel that God really likes me. God probably thinks I’m kind of an asshole, like most people do. That’s OK because I like God anyway even if he/she doesn’t want me to. I have, to this date found nothing in the Bible that says we can’t be assholes. Obviously, the Quran has no such clauses either. This may work for me.
Do I like Jews? Sure I like Jews. Not one Jew has ever given me a reason not to like them. Unlike the Muslims who hate them, for no reason whatsoever. This doesn’t work well for me.
Do I like virgins? I wouldn’t know. Never had the pleasure. I don’t have the desire or patience to train a bunch of “kids” to do the shit I like. This definitely is not my thing.
Do I like to wear funny sock like hats? Yes. Yes, I do like to wear hats. I live in a mostly cold climate area. A funny sock like hat might be my thing.
Do I like beards? Not really, but I am kind of lazy sometimes. So, never shaving again might work for me.
Do I enjoy blowing shit up? FUCK YEAH. Who wouldn’t enjoy the occasional explosion here & there. Fuck, I love to blow shit up. This definitely works for me.
Do I like people? No. Well, not many. My need to chop other people’s heads off is a bit less than my possible, future brethren. I don’t feel like doing such lovely things often at all, except maybe on paydays. I do think Obama is a prick though & that’s gotta count for something. This is kinda “iffy” for me.
Do I like firearms? Yes I do. This one works for me as well. On a side note, I like the desert also.
Do I believe humans are the greatest of all creatures? Not really. Some of them have me convinced that humans are as dumb as shit. This is not for me.
Do I respect women? Yes I do. Especially my wife. Without her, I am absolutely nothing. I don’t think this one will work for me either.
Do I think other religions should be allowed? Yes. People have thoughts that have yet to be under total control of others (even though we’re closing in on this concept). Let them think what they want to. It’s really none of our fucking business what’s inside your heads. This really isn’t for me.
Should I kill people who do not believe the same fucked up, bullshit, unproven, horse ball licking, pray to some god that condones murder, arab psychobabble crock of shit religion as me? No. That’s a deal breaker. Without freedom, we are already dead.
After a lot of deliberation, I do believe I have come to a conclusion that is relatively simple.
FUCK ISLAM. FUCK ALL OF YOU.
Come at me, I’m ready. Assholes.
Oh that’s right, I forgot. You muslims like to be chicken-shit and blow people up when they aren’t looking. Be careful if you value your asses. We will not take much more of your shit, and we have a much more powerful military.
By the way, I don’t fuck goats.